I had a dream last night

I was doing all of the things I love to do. I wasn’t forced to choose. I had so much energy that it was endless.

~ And I felt free ~

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Dont be afraid of the “What If’s”

Today marked my first run in a nearly year and a half.

I’ve been saying for almost a year I wanted to get back to running.

“So what?” you may say. Well for me, this is a BIG deal

I used to love running, I’d head off on a trail with my faithful four legged friend for miles previous to CFS. We ran for fun. We ran to tire her out. And we ran to train for 10K’s and half marathons.

Running was OUR THING. Then came the recovery process.

I had learn to listen more to my body and those inevitable signs. “Push and Crash”. I tried to get back into running. And so – Push and Crash I did.

This afternoon my daughter asked would I come for a run with her… “Yes” said I. “See you in fifteen minutes!”

I had a moment of panic… Ahh!! What are you thinking Jacqui? You know how this can affect you!

I reminded myself that I have no classes until Thurs/Fri this week, and they’re easier ones on my body. You can try this and see what happens. It’s safe. Go for it girl. Don’t be afraid. You’ve already said yes to it.

I love the classes I teach, I’m fortunate that I can get to teach what I want to, and therefore I only teach what speaks to a me inside. There is no doubt I love one class a little more. PiYo has been the one workout which speaks to me like running did, but with PiYo I can modify on a low energy day, I can adapt my teaching to suit how I’m feeling on the day. Running, I won’t have this luxury unless I give in and walk.

I’ve wanted to return to running for so long. PiYo will always have it’s place in my life as my soulmate workout, however I really really miss the challenge of offroad running. We have so many easy to access forestry trails around us and the views and the challenges they provide are just amazing. I also really miss that feeling of being free with my own thoughts, my body in sinc with my feet and my breath. My happy place.

I know for sure I was putting it off because I was scared of the after crash, pushing my body and heart rate to the max can leave me utterly drained. When I say utterly drained, I’m talking about not being able to climb the stairs to bed, not managing to string a sentence together and stay focused on a conversation. A CFS crash is like no other type of tiredness. There is absolutely no way you can press on and get through. It literally stops me in my tracks. I felt that now my ever excited and faithful running companion Morgan (dog) is not longer with us I wouldn’t have my minder up the hill with me. The thought of heading up the hill on my own was scary after so many years of running with my dog. Yet I also didn’t want to hold anyone back of the suggested coming with me as I don’t always know how my body will react to exercise from one day to the next, until I begin.

Now just so your aware, we have just returned from our fortnight trip on our boat and I have excessively overindulged, and not a squat or downward dog was done in the past three weeks. I have been so lazy. My glutes have spread and so has my belly.

Anyways. I let my panic go – I have no classes for three days, so I went with it.

Crikey! Tough was an under-statement. I’d forgotten just how hard a climb some of those hills are. What used to be my warm-up was now becomimg my nightmare. I could see the end I’m sight, but boy – it was mind over body most the way.

In fairness I only took around four, or maybe five walk breaks. My daughter wanted to hit the 5K mark. I expected to be walking most of it, falling behind while she ran on and then picked me up on the down side. Yet there I was runnkng. Behind her. I mostly kept up. I found a sudden spurt of energy 2.5miles in, so this is how long it now takes my body to warm up. My tiny steps had improved, my stride felt longer and I’d forgotten my breathing was such an effort as it was now in sinc.

Bonus : 1) No Stitch 2) only took four/five walk breaks 3) we ran the 5K… And they were mostly hills!

Hell-Yeh!!

I have CFS but I am still a runner

I have overcome the fear or starting again. Thank you for asking me Nic x

I don’t know how my body will react to this over the next few days, I may be living through the CFS hangover daze for a few days afterwards.
CFS looks invisible from the outside, but to the host this condition is very very real and if reality hits then I will have to suck it up. Hopefully though, I haven’t given myself too much of a shock.

However for today I feel proud; 38min ‘5K ~ 11.52 pace ~ with hills’

I think my T-shirt says it all…
“The Secret To Getting Ahead Is Getting STARTED”

Watch “Singer Alice-Ella Opens Up About Illness | First Dates” on YouTube

The struggle IS REAL, every second of every day. CFS/ME does not give you the option to press on and push through.

When you see me teaching, and jumping around, full of energy in class it’s because teaching group fitness is 100% what I love to do. I want to be teaching, to be encouraging and giving everything I have to make your class experience the best ever.

Yet, behind the scenes, every single day, I AM THIS GIRL in the video. this is my life. It breaks my heart to hear her words as they are my words too. 

It doesn’t take much, some days a even just phone call before I leave for class, or an unexpected visitor in the afternoon can be enough to leave me struggling to get the right words out. It’s like my brain cannot function. If your a class regular then you’ve all seen me on those days when I’m not quite on form… I’ve learnt to hide it well so I forgive you if you missed the signs. Some days it really can be a huge effort sometimes for me to show up, but I want to be there. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.

Before I leave for a class I have to rest, then when I get home from class again I have to rest. Now when I say rest I don’t mean a quick five minutes on the sofa with a cuppa, I wish! No, I need to have an empty house, no noise and a good half hour or hour of nothing-ness. This is how I roll folks 

Most days, even after a great sleep, I struggle to waken, or I see double for hours after I wake. It’s like having a hangover and flu, every morning, especially after a hard, or double class the day before.

Some days would be lovely to join you and skip class, but I turn up, and will modify my teaching if need be, because and I can’t express this enough, I really do love teaching group fitness. I love my job.

I wish CFS would go away and never return. I wonder “why me?”. I have so much I want to do. I have plans. 

I get so frustrated with myself. I want to get certain tasks done, but then I start and can only do so much before my body tells me to stop, go rest, or my mind just wants to be quiet and switch off. If I ignore and press on I can end up crashing for hours, days sometimes. 

Perhaps one morning I’ll waken and it will just be gone. I think I’m allowed this wish.

I love the honesty of this girl in the video, I find it very difficult to be honest about my health and how I feel as most comments are, “yeh, we all get tired sometimes”, or ” it’s an age thing”. As someone living with a chronic fatigue condition for the past four and a half years these types of comments can hurt me right to my core. These people have no idea how much it hurts when they speak these words. I try be kind, smile and ignore it, but God damn it frustrates me. 

At the end of the day I cannot change what others think. I can only change how I react till it no longer hurts… I’m still working on this! 

Stay positive. Stay balanced. And get to class, if I can – you can too 

Thought for today…

I just love teaching my classes.

The energy everyone brings to the room just lifts me up everytime 🖤

Recovery​ is all about learning to listen to your body and finding balance

After a tough couple of days last weekend, I have rested and reset, and I’m feeling better today than I have in weeks.

My class was cancelled this evening due to low numbers, so after a very quiet weekend recovering from my own deep tissue massage in firday, I decided to do some practice for myself. I did some flexibility warm up movements, a bit core work, and some lovely stretching at the end.

I must admit, my body was just melting into the forward bends today. The pulseroller has definitely done its job!

🖤 Stop for a moment and rest if you must, but don’t ever give up 🖤

You can’t control what goes on the outside, but you can control how you react

 Sometimes things catch up on me when I least expect it – But with a little reset I will rise again.


Somedays still leave me absolutely drained. I can feel so completely washed out that the stairs in my house feel like they’ve become vertical. To hold my head on my shoulders is too much effort and I need to rest.

If I ignore the  I signs I often can’t hold a simple conversation without it seeming like I’m on meds, slurry or forgetting a word. 

Even a fright or shock reaction can bring this on. A constant background noise, or constant creeking door taking my attention away from what I’m focusing on.

It’s usually not the events from today which bring this on, more often than not it’s what has happened a day or two previously, so sometimes I can’t put my finger on the event which caused it. 

I’ve learnt the hard way that when I feel this coming on to listen to it, to remove myself from the situation and “unplug” for a while. 

Pushing through is not an option.

Energy zappers or people who expect me to hang on to​ every word I find very challenging, it really tires my brain. So I step back and let them do thier thing. To be honest, and somewhat amusingly, I’ve noticed that these types of people don’t actually notice when I’ve switched off from the conversation.

Also, changes in weather conditions​. The changing spring weather we are experiencing just now I find very challenging. Warm and dry, then windy, cold and damp. It’s difficult for my body to balance itself when the weather is like this. It can show as joint aches, heavy and tight muscles, headaches or just a general malaise that sleep won’t cure. 

Little reminders that although most the time I can keep up the pace of life happening around me, CFS is still lurking in the background waiting to zap my reserves.

Today’s bleugh has come about through my own actions. I’d been struggling through the muscle tensions and joint aches for a couple of months now and decided to give myself a treatment with my new pulseroller. Now don’t get me wrong, this tool is a massive aid, i can give myself a deep massage and get right to the deep held tensions, however the downside is that the huge release from the tensions I had been holding in my body means I can have a bad reaction​.

So today I have no tightness in my muscles, I feel my muscles have let go tonnes, the back of my body in particular, however the malaise effect kicked in. Id forgot​ten and wasn’t expect it. 

I had to remind myself, this is not a time for me to push through, or press on. Doing so can be detrimental for someone with Chronic Fatigue. We need space, time to reset, to completely switch off my thoughts. To rest and recharge. When I say recharge, I don’t mean a cat nap on the sofa or five minutes with a cuppa. I don’t even need to close my eyes. I just need to be left alone. No talking​, no expectations from the family on my time, no thinking. 

I’ve only recently​ started to not feel guilty about taking time out. I used to feel it was selfish and that I was letting others down. When in reality​, I am only letting myself down by not accepting it for what it is.

So take time for yourself. Teach your close friends and family to recognise the symptoms when it coming on. And if they are oblivious to your condition, wall away. Go to your retreat place. Recharge​ your batteries.

Don’t feel guilty of you didn’t get dinner out in time, or if you needed help with the dishes. Ask to be left alone for an hour if this is what you need, your health and healing take first place. 

This is where The Spoon Theory makes sense to those which chronic conditions. It’s all too easy to give away our spoons, but replacing even one spoon is not so simple. Spoon conservation, you need to make a choice. Do you loose all your spoons, or do you learn walk away, to say no, not today thank you. Often our decision can surprise another, but we have to look after number one!

You only have so many spoons each day you waken. Today is one of those days.

Don’t use up all your spoons too soon, always make sure and have two or three in the back of the dresser, you may just need one to get you back home.


Sometimes things catch up on me when I least expect it – But with a little reset I will rise again 

This too shall pass… 

Counting my blessings

Paying it forward

I felt so very blessed after class this morning
A participant from Hydrotherapy came to me at the end of class today and told me that she hadn’t released until recently that she can now walk properly. That her pis are working better when walking, and her toes are now working much better too. This female has kept the dream, and made little weekly goals to come to class to help improve her health while dealing with a chronic condition.

We often don’t realize just how far we’ve actually come on our own healing journey until another shows us where we used to be. How very lucky am I to have my health that I can give my time to help others to improve and maintain theirs.

What did I do first begin my healing journey from CFS

The single most asked question which anyone with a chronic condition has is… What do I need to do to heal my-self? Well, my go-to self-help technique is a great big “Secret” But a mindset that we all can benefit from.

I often notice that when I am feeling happy and content my symptoms of tiredness or pain are very much eased. I’m very aware that happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being, and that we should not allow outside forces to dampen our spirit and get us down. However, there are some of us who really seem to feel the effects of a persons positive and negative energy more than others. Call it what you like, at the end of the day dumping negative emotions upon another is extremely draining.

Boundaries – If you want to begin a recovery process, you need to start taking responsibility and care of your own emotional well-being first. establishing healthy emotional boundaries may be tricky, and often, more so where family are concerned as demands can be difficult to dismiss, but it is possible with a few tricks up your sleeve.

Protect yourself from other peoples stuff and reacting to others energies  – Do you find your body tenses up, or your breathing becomes shallow. do you feel trapped. Find yourself a safe space to retreat, somewhere that you can take a break from the negative energy. Practicing mindfulness and meditation, or visualize a protective shield around yourself are methods that can help restore your balance. If you’ve not used mindfulness or meditation techniques before there are tonnes of sites online or YouTube which you can try, or try find a local group. Remember that what one person enjoys may not appeal to you, try a few until you find the one which speaks to you best. When your feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. don’t try force the breath or change it, just focus on your breathing with your ind and allow it to “settle”. You may begin to notice your breath is high in your chest – aim to move your breath lower in your body, to under your belly is a good analogy, allowing for a gently rise and fall as you breath, rising on the inhalation and falling back on the exhalation.  Focusing on your breath helps centers you and you can practice this anywhere at anytime. Sit quietly, use this time to focus your attention on where you want to be. Imagine yourself healed, see yourself doing the things you love to do. Really feel yourself doing these wonderful things. Dream yourself there. What you dream now can once again become your reality. Do this simple exercise over and over – again and again. “Set a goal so BIG that if you ever achieved it it would BLOW your mind” 

I have wonderfully long list of simple ideas you can begin implementing to help raise your energy for better healing. Along with these i’ll share my hints and tips you can use yourself and begin strengthening your body and mind from the inside out. After-all, Health and Happiness is an inside job! I’ll follow up with these in future blogs, all of which have worked extremely well for me.

So have you guessed it yet – What is this “Secret” she mentioned earlier?                    The very first thing I did to begin my own healing journey was to watch “The Secret“. I’ve been a fan of this movie since 1996 and I knew that if anything was going to help me to focus on my dream and get my life back it was this!  You can find “The Secret”, on YouTube or grab yourself the DVD Amazon. Or have you a friend who keeps telling you to watch The Secret? Ask them for a borrow – You won’t regret it. I keep two copies of The Secret at home, if one copy is out on lend, or I didn’t get one back, I still want to be able to go to it when I feel the need for a mood-boost. Watch the movie a couple of times at first, every time I watch The Secret i’m amazed to see something I missed before.

Here’s a link I found for The Secret on YouTube;                 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27OhNNmf1XE&t=9s                                                           314b500373f46d0013bb9862b6fc5a29

https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/DVD-Blu-ray/Secret-Extended-DVD-Sophie-Angelle/B000KK22GU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492631446&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Secret+dvd

Warriors Healing Together